Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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