He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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