you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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