so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
