don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize