textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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