It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize