Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize