my phone needs a breathalizer
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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