So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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