TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
