An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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