@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
