So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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