Having a random hookup so left but love u
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
