Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
