Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
