If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My bed smells like the plague
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
