What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
