And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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