somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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