Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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