Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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