New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
