I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
