mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
