I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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