i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize