i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
