ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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