so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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