Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
