You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
