just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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