He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
