Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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