I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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