Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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