I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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