a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
