Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize