I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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