capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize