Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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