The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
