You work out of a Hotel?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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