If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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