ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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