the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
