I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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