so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize