I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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