dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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