Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
