I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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