Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize