The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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