Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
