Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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