I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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