Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pants are for mortals
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
