he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
