Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
