This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize