All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
